Grief Needs Salt, Fat, Water and Heat
Are you grieving?
I’ve got just the thing.
Now, these things I’m about to share won’t make the grief any easier, but they might make the process feel a little smoother. They’ll soften some of those rough edges, nip off some of the peaks, and fill in some of the valleys. These things are not medications, therapies, or books. They’re not classes, treatments, or exercises either.
They’re just salt, fat, water and heat.
In my years working with death, dying, grief and loss from all the angles that I have, I have found four things that tend to work well for 99% of grieving humans.
Grieving people need salt, fat, water and heat.
Here’s my treatment plan for a grieving soul:
HOT, SALTY BATHS
My folk theory here is that a hot salty bath works wonders for grievers because it mirrors their tears. Both tears and baths (the kind of baths that hold you while you cry) are hot, wet, and salty. For the best grief bath on planet Earth, follow these instructions: 1. Clean the tub 2. Add 1 to 2 cups of epsom salts 3. Fill with hot water 4. Drizzle just a touch of oil on the surface. I have a face oil I use when my skin is really dry….I use half a dropper in an entire bath. 5. Were you sent a sympathy bouquet? Sprinkle some petals on top of the bathwater. No flowers? Go for herbs. Slices of citrus. Whatever you have that grows. 6. Soak. Cry. Exist.
2. HOT, SALTY, FATTY FOOD
A grief belly tends to do well with hot, salty, fatty food. Not so much you get sick, but enough to leave you feeling a small wedge of satisfaction amidst the dissatisfaction life has served up. My husband makes fried chicken from scratch when grief visits but hamburgers, french fries, and salty chicken soup will do the trick too. If you are tasked with dropping food off to grievers—seek salt, fat and something served warm or hot.
3. LOTS OF WATER, WITH A PINCH OF SALT
Grievers tend to get dehydrated—whether it’s because of all the crying, deep inhales and exhales, changes in activity, or forgetting to eat. Adding a pinch of pink salt to a big glass of water (or liquid electrolytes as is my preference) does wonders. Grievers need water (inside and out!) and a little touch of salt makes it not only taste better, but also feel better.
4. A HEATED OR COZY BLANKET
Grievers are required to be cozy, most especially because life, well, is not. When life is not cozy—your couch should be. Your bed should be. Your favorite chair in the kitchen should become its most cozy self. Grievers won’t often purchase themselves a cozy, fluffy blanket so if you find yourself trying to act as a supporter—you be the one to buy the cozy blanket. Just buy it. Drop it off. No griever can resist a fresh, cozy blanket for long. They bring comfort to couches and beds that hold us in our grief.
5. A DIP IN A NATURAL BODY OF WATER
If you can get your body into an ocean, a lake, a pond, or a river…do it. Grievers often discover something about immersing yourself in a natural body of water when you yourself are unnaturally wrecked by the throes of loss….well it works. What it works on, exactly, is unknown, but it seems to move grief around in a good way. Hot licorice or mint tea after a dip, wrapped in an oversized robe while the sun hits your face seems to make the most sense. Make sure your feet touch the ground. Don’t worry about the dirt. It’ll come right off in a hot bath you take before bed.
6. HOT DRINKS
Hot chocolate made with whole milk, dark chocolate, and topped with a sprinkle of salt—that’s healing. So are cups of hot mint tea or passionflower tea before bed or a nap. Coffee can be tricky—many grievers find they are more sensitive to caffeine while in the thick of it. Gas station coffee, which tends to be weaker, makes a lot of sense during this time, especially on the way back from a funeral. Just trust me.
7. ROMANCE NOVELS OR MOVIES YOU’VE SEEN BEFORE
Listen, this might feel like it came out of left field. It did. While these things don’t contain salt, fat, water or heat in the obvious sense….they provide space for them to exist. When we’re grieving, our brains have fewer resources and it struggles. Do you know why some people watch the same movies or shows over and over? Because it reduces anxiety. It’s stuff you’ve already seen, you already know what will happen. When life has taken something from you, it can feel nice to see that happy endings do exist (like in romance novels) or that our old favorites haven’t changed. Rewatch your favorites, and if you want to read but can’t get your brain to hold space for much—give romance a try. A movie on the TV or a book in hand provides a great platform for cultivating heat, salt, water and fat. While you are watching or reading, wrap yourself up in that cozy blanket, sip some hot tea and eat some hot, salty, fatty food. You can even do this while taking a long, hot bath!
If you’re grieving, or know someone who is, seek the salty, fatty, watery and warm things in life. They won’t make grief go away, but they will make the arrival of this unexpected guest a little less uncomfortable. And, I can’t tell you why exactly this works, I can only tell you that it does. If something helps you while you are grieving, that’s because it is helping. Sometimes, the stuff that brings comfort won’t make sense. You won’t often get answers to those why questions while grieving, but you can get answers to those what questions: What helps you grieve? What makes you feel better right now? What movie to do you want to rewatch? What side of the couch do you want to sit on? What time do you want to take a bath tonight?
Notes:
I have a list of romance novels containing a grief or loss theme here: amazon.com/shop/coleimperi/list/25SLDQKS5ZOLV
If you are curious about why I think romance novels are so great for grievers, read the article here: https://coleimperi.com/resources/read-romance-if-you-are-grieving
