La Petite Mortisode No. 16 - Support
After a break, we’re back, and with an episode that tells you not only what happened, but but also what I learned in my time away. Or, I should say, re-learned. Life gets heavy for all of us at some point, and if you want to get better at being a support to others, then this is the episode for you. In this episode, I share easy and effective ways to support others dealing with a Shadowloss or death of some kind. I’m so happy to be here with you guys!
¶ THINGS YOU CAN DO FOR OTHERS WHEN LIFE GETS HAIRY
HAPPY MAIL: Put a card in the mail. You can at least brighten their mailbox.
BASICS BAG: Drop off a grocery bag with paper towels, windex, clorox wipes, toilet paper, paper plates, tissues and an OTC pain killer. Why? Many times when a loss of some kind occurs, people get visitors. Dropping off a bag of basics will help them be prepared for guests, and prevent them from running out of common household supplies. You’ll also save them a trip to the store that they may not want to make!
SNACK BAG: Drop off a bag of staple foods and snacks. Bananas, apples, a bag of salad mix, eggs, milk, butter, cream, coffee, cheese, a pack of bacon, something decently healthy and microwavable, granola bars, trail mix.
DROP OFF A MEAL: Stick to casseroles that can be warmed in the oven, soups that can be easily heated and other meals requiring little prep. Great ideas: A breakfast casserole, a pan of lasagna, a chicken pot pie, calzone type foods, chicken noodle soup, butternut squash soup (sent bread for the side too!). You can also drop off a salad by buying a bagged salad mix, a pint of cherry tomatoes, a container of feta or goat cheese, bacon crumbles, croutons and salad dressing. Easy to do and provides a lighter option!
SEND MEAL MONEY: You may not live nearby, but you can send someone a gift card to a service like OrderUp, GrubHub, UberEats, Postmates, etc. You just need their email address. This is useful because it lets the recipient stay home and order from a restaurant of their choice.
HOUSEHOLD HELP: Swing by and cut their grass. Stop over and scoop the poop. Bring in the mail or newspapers. Water their plants.
¶ WHAT NOT TO DO
This is tricky to write about because sometimes, we WANT to be there, but our own lives might not allow us to have much room for it. That’s OK, and sometimes just telling the person you care about that can do wonders.
So, don’t take these suggestions personally—these are guidelines based off my general experience working in loss over the years. Everyone wants to be a support, and being a support to others is a skill we learn and develop over time.
“Let me know if you need anything.” Many people say that offers like “let me know if you need anything” aren’t really helpful at all. Think about it this way: the person weathering a loss suddenly has WAY more on their plate. Someone says “let me know if you need anything” and that, my friends, is putting yet ANOTHER thing on said plate. Why? You are requiring them to not only figure out what they need, but they will have to think about if it’s something you might be able to do. It’s better to just do something. In doing that, you are saving them from a bunch of additional decisions. Another option is to give them two options. For example, you could say “I heard about your loss and want to support you. I can come and cut the grass for you on Tuesday OR I can drop off a casserole on Monday. What is more helpful for you?”
“Thoughts and prayers.” This turns up in most articles about this and it’s not that this isn’t a nice sentiment, it’s that it has 0 impact on most people. Thoughts and prayers don’t pay the bills, dry tears, cut the grass, take out the trash, clean the bathroom, pick kids up from practice or organize a funeral. If this is your go-to statement, I’d encourage you to put a card in the mail (the real mail…brighten their mailbox!)
Offer something you don’t really want to do. Hey, you might really WANT to do something, but you might not be ABLE to. So honor that. Don’t put yourself in a situation where you are overextending yourself. Everyone weathers loss at some point (multiple points, let’s be real) so there’s always next time.
¶ HOW ABOUT SOME PICTURES OF MY FACE……
Victor and I were in a hit and run on my scooter and magically walked away. Here’s the progression of my facial situation. BEHOLD THE BEAUTY!
¶ JOIN US ON FACEBOOK
Join us in the Facebook group here: www.Facebook.com/Groups/LifeDeathTarot
¶ UPCOMING EVENTS
I’m giving another TED talk in November! November 9. Sign up for my email newsletter to get notified! (You can sign up in the footer of my website.)
¶ SUPPORTIVE MERCHANDISE
Speaking of support—a bunch of stuff in my store is for sale AND you can use code TAROT to get free shipping on any order.
New merchandise coming soon!